Goodbye 2016 part II

Lets continue... enough with the business talk and lets talk about my body..

1- Im not sure is it because of the hectic life i had this year that led me to an unhealthy lifestyle that changes my body or what. I hope it was.

2- Since early this year until now im not feeling very well especially at certain part of my body. I had it when i was a kid. Something weird  happening at that part, its swollen and its moving. it doesnt hurt but its disturbing. I did told my mom about it. she wants to bring me to a doctor but i refused cause i was scared. what do u expect right cause im just a little child. my mom didnt force me at all.. so i just let it be and after a while its gone. I wish she did forced me.

3- this year... that same place is starting to feel pain. a constant paint. it doesnt look like swollen but it felt swollen. i read some of the symptoms about it... and it doesnt really match what im going trough but somehow its similar its just not getting worst yet. if it is what it is, it could be worst and im pretty scared. 

4- the pain come and go but its constantly coming back. Im scared to check with Doctor. u know i hate doctors.. clinic n hospital. i dont have the courage to do it and i cant even share this with anybody at all! i did mention to him that something contantly giving me pain but he said im overthinking or reacting. i just want him to show his concern... i guess he doenst care.

5- i had back pain too once in a while. in fact its happening right now. so much pain to move and to get up from this bed. 

6- probably it was nothing compare to when i was in college. so far the pain dies when the bastard is dead. i felt it once in a while if im in stressed though, but not as bad as when im with him. so i assumed it was stress.

7- i still remember the pain. its so painful as if some one was twisting my heart, stabbing it with a knife n i cant move.. it hurts even more if i moved .. it makes me breathless felt like im dying and passed out. im not sure how many times it happened and i passed out, and everytime that happened, i made him scared to death. he said i look like im dead.. he pray for me.. constantly checking if im breathing or not. when i woke up i will felt terribly thirsty.. he gives me water but i cant swallow it.. i saw he cried... tried his best to make me drink.. i just dont know y its so hard to swallow n so painful.. once i had my drinks i will be ok n relaxed n passed out again. 

8- Doctor said theres nothing wrong with me. this 1 stupid Dr. even blame me for wearing a tight shirt. WTF! 

9- The last time i fainted was in front of my house. i cant move but im aware of whats happening. i can hear everybody talking... n to my disbelief my mom didnt send me to clinic straight away... cause my bro in law said 'im probably just tired and just send me to clinic when im awake' WTF! after i woke up they send me to clinic... and again nothing is wrong with me.

10- at least i know how to control my stressed now. when i feel the symptom ill make sure i relaxed myself and the pain is gone. but this time is different. its certainly not stress.

11- early this year me n him had a good talk... somehow he told me he likes me a lot. and again its always in a bad time! and again im being ignorance and didnt used that chance to confess to him. as always im so good at ruining the situation. im so pissed off with myself!

12 - i know why im being ignorant - Im too scared to loose him! im scared i will chase him away. Im scared i will be heartbroken all over again! im scared he just fooling around! Im scared he dont feel like i do and im scares he doesnt want me like the way i want him.

13 - Im crazy about him. i know im crazy to have strong feelings to him, to a stranger ive known for 10 years.. a stranger that i felt in love with for 10 years.. to someone i never spoke with, someone i never meet with. 

14- I know he likes me, and i know hes giving up on me as he didnt talk n treat me the way he did b4. he doesnt care about me as much as he did before. he didnt even want to see me in person and thats why im purposely being ignorant cause im scared to feel it all over again. i dont know whats the future hold.

15- A few guys wanted me. but i dont know why only him in my heart. and i seema to refused to let anybody in until i meet him face to face. but again he doesnt seem to be interested in me anymore. its hurt. 

16- ive been thinking alot about him.. about the business.. about my life. im feeling that im failing.. failing in all aspect of life! i cant be what i want. i cant have what i want. i cant get what i want just yet.. and its killing me inside!

17- sometimes i felt that i lost hope. i wish i can just die... i wish to die and let it end. the feeling is so strong.. i can twist my brain to live in fantasy.. to leave this world and become what mentals do.. i know how it felt and how one with less control can become mental. i can do that if i let myself loose. i want to do that sometimes.

18- but because i know n believes in God and life after death, i just cant do it... its the only thing that hold me.

19- it reminda me of death everyday.. every second of my day im struggling with myself lately. Is that the feeling of dying? Is it the end of me? or its just my mind playing games with me so i can forget my life?

20- what if it is the end of me... and life is telling me n im  not doing anything to fix myself?? where will I end?? i know where... and its sadden me even more. and its sadden me cause im struggling with my ownself n my own feeling. its killing me inside.

21- ive been fighting this for life... how much longer i can hold it??

22 - I missed him badly.. and somehow he managed to ease my struggle for years silently. i want him but i know its impossible. its crazy. n i dont know why...

Goodbye 2016

Well, well, well... seems like a habit to me to write something by the end of the year. sums up everything in 1 post every year 😆.
So let see what has happened all this year.

1- Venturing into real business is not an easy job. Easy to get sales but to maintain the sales r difficult. I thought my business will be awesome n blooming when i open it in a so called Mall. Unfortunately, the mall has deceived all of the tenants and managed by a fool arrogant old manager!

2- The mall did not do what they promised to do. No promotion, no marketing, no effort at all to spend money to advertise their mall. During the opening, only tenant was there waiting for a ghost to come! Have u seen a MALL do their opening by doing NOTHING at all?? No sign or banner saying they r open, No music, No balloons, No activities and the best part NO CUSTOMER at all... cause NOBODY knows that place is open!! What an idiot right???

3- All tenant was pissed off. They questioned the manager and with proud he said, this is a new strategic way of business for a mall. Every mall is doing it now. WTF??? Malls will spend thousands and more to advertise to market to tell people in all sorts of media months before their opening, he thinks we all so stupid like him?

4- For few days, no customers coming except our customers cause we market on our own. Im surprised we got plenty of sales and customers coming almost everyday. just imagined if that mall is fully occupied and the marketing was right i can get higher sales.

5- For 2 months no effort from management besides blaming all the tenants for not doing our own marketing and blaming us dont know how to do our own business. He will do gis best to find ways to quarell with the tenants, to pissed of the tenants just to prove he is right cause he have more than 20 years of experience. i can tell his experienced is a shitty experienced as he cant even bring in customers and sales to that place, instead he drove all the tenants out from that mall. what an idiot.

6- worst it all, they dont have a CF! that place isnt safe n fit to get real CF from the authority! all of us can only received a temporary tred license because of that. because of that too 90% of tenants moved out. only 4 shop left till the end of contracts. including mine. we have very good sales, way higher than my target. the sales drop only after raya.

7- The fucked up stupid n rude manager makes me pissed of too. we argue mostly because of his stupidity. i refused to talk with him after that n straight away deal with the son's landlord. He was a nice boy, and very linient with tenant. I wish he's in charge earlier and probably all tenants will stay there. I did told him about his rude manager n told him to get rid of the problems, same with all the tenants left. Telling him the same thing. Well he did. im so glad. however its too late.. cause 90% tenants moved out, with an empty mall how do u expect new tenant wanna rent there when they know that place is dead.

8- i wait until my contract ends and moved to a bigger place near my house. Business is still too slow and i used lots of money for the new rental and moved out and renovation expenses. Im a bit worried about how its gonna be next year with the current economy situation... i really dont know how it goes.

9 - the freelance training job is pretty bad this year cause of limited budget by the government. 2 of my training was canceled. my savings are all gone. i was hoping to get business loan as soon as possible, or else i have to work or continue my PHD for my backup.

10- Its really a tension year. working non stop for few months.. no holiday, not enough sleep.. worsen my body n skin condition. getting fatter and lots of pimples too.

To be continued...

Happy New Year 2016!!

Wow!! It's almost 2 years I didn't update this blog? Never been this lazy before hehe. To tell you the truth (as if anybody cares) at least once a month I thought of writing something on this blog before I go to sleep. It's never happened because I'm proven to have lazy ass and I end up watching series every night before going to bed. However, I successfully forcing myself to log in and write something today muahahaha... and it's probably gonna be a long booooring story of myself in this hectic world.

My 2014 was pretty intense though relaxing in a way. As per my last post, it's all about me wasting my time watching anime or tv series more than 8 hours a day enjoying my life as a student and a jobless person, and I'm using almost all my saving to pay all my debts and expanses and yet I dont feel anything about it, never been this happy to be free from my previous life as an under appreciated engineer working with stupid management.

However at some point I do feel my life was useless, I feel there's no point to live, no money, I'm becoming such a poor person living with credit cards debt and still, I feel nothing about it, no regrets, no worries and really doesn't care about anything. I just focus on classes and trying to finish up my Master with excellent grades. My whole life, I never really care to study and get good marks. It felt different when I myself wanted to further study and used my own money to pay for the fees and getting scholarship for the first time in my life. For the first time, i'm being serious and wanting to get good marks and really study for it and walllaaahhhh... I get awesome cgpa - 3.94!! If only I study during my degree and diploma, most probably I don't need to pay for my study loan now :P.

During that time, I was lucky that a friend of mine giving me a freelance training job which pays a lot. If only I knew the job pays a lot, I probably won't reject customers offer and have done it earlier! Such a waste, I'm so obedient to my company and I regret it. Moral of the story - think of yourself first, not your company. It helps me pay the bills. I only work for 4 days and I get more than my previous salary! It's pretty sad that most of the job comes in during my final month and I have to reject it, otherwise it's enough to pay my bills for another year.

So, by end of 2014, I graduated with flying colors. Lecturers offered me grants to continue my PHD. I had enough study already, and I plan to go abroad for my PHD, so I reject all of their offers. Now comes the hard part - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??

It's a hard question cause:
1- I don't want to work with any company.
2 - I'm broke and can only survive for another 2 months
3- No confirmed freelance job in few months
4- I really hate the feeling that I need to work with somebody again

So, the first few months was hard. The former 'sister' company offered me a job, however the person in charge in interviewing me doesn't want me even though the boss wants me as i have the most experience and have certs and way more knowledgeable from all their staff. i do feel insulted a bit, but it's their lost not mine. i don't like that job anyway unless if they can pay what I requested for. Those who knows me are pretty upset cause I was not hired, the funny part is, my classmates who have zero knowledge about that job and doesn't have experience got the job! so i guess the person in charge prefer someone who doesnt have experience and not that smart to be under her so she can be in control. WTH.. I feel a bit insulted but again it's their lost not mine. So I moved on - I worked with my friends as a sales assistant in his sculpture shop hahaha.

It's fun at first but then I get bored. The salary was small but at least i can pay my bills. I know my mom didnt like it cause I'm a master student, I should work like before. I know she hates it that I couldnt help her in her expenses, i can't take her for vacation and I cant help her to fix all broken things in the house. I am super upset about this as my mom aren't being fair with me,. I never asked for her money unlike my brother who didnt work for years and always ask money from my mom and us and even me! and yet my mom was ok for him not working and blame me for not wanting to work?? Guess what?? I don't care anymore and it's time for me to think of myself and what i want and what i want to achieve! I always put her first, always try to give what she wants, but at the end of the day I'm still the person she wants to blame and she doesn't seem to appreciate everything I've done to her. She said,  the rests are so good at managing and planning their life or for those she pity, she will gave them supports and money. They all are selfish! I'm done being so nice. It's time for me to get what i wanted and gain back everything I lost.

Going to year 2015 - I quit my job as sales assistant. This year is full of surprises and me being the new me - exploring all the possibilities that might suite me and fill my pockets with lots of cash as long as i dont need to work with anybody. It's a crazy survival year!

Firstly I spend more time focusing on my online business, getting more sales each months but yet i cant depends on it to pay my bills. I joined the state business group to gain more free knowledge and built up my networks. Its awesome at first, meeting lots of new people, successful people and those who have good network and relationships. However, after a few months, i can see all their true nature, most are selfish and doesn't really wants to help others, but rather help themselves. Somehow, some of them loves me cause I have Master, i dont know why, but most probably it looks good to them cause they have a Master student under their programme, easy to get loan etc i dont know. I start to get away from those people. I hate those types of people who just wants me for their benefits. So i decided not to join them anymore.

I moved on to try something new - being a unit trust agent hahaha. I never see myself doing this type of job. It's exciting as i learned a lot of new things in regards of economics, investment etc and it makes me realise that I'm totally doom cause I dont have any savings and investment now. That's a scary truth. It makes me realise - i really wasted my 10 years of working and not being a smart investor!! For a couple of months i focused on this job, searching for new clients, meet up with more sincere professionals people compare to those business club. deep inside i still wants my own business to bloom. I always pray to open my own shop this year. It doesn't look realistic looking at my economy now.

I don't know why... everything happened too fast I thought it's all just a day dream.

One fine day, i went to see this new mall recommended by my friend. I fell in love with it and all the promotions they giving me. I make a crazy decisions, I sttaight away booked the shoplot and think later - on how am i supposed to get the money for deposits and for renovation costs. I went home and feeling super excited to tell mom about it, and guess what?? she doesn't really care to even listen to me. I feel like crying (i'm still in emotional states of her not being fair with me). She always care to listen to my brothers dreamy never happens business project but my more realistic business, she doesn't even care to listen. I asked helps from my sisters and brothers... negatives responds.

I was so disappointed, spending my days crying in the room. My mom always scold me if i doesn't want to help my brothers but when im in need of money, no one is there to help me. Not even my mom. The youngsters are all selfish. If they dont want to help me, fine. I will prove to them that i can do this. the worst thing that would happened is, i'll go bancrupt. Do i care?? No! cause this is my chance that I should grab or else i will stuck with my previous life.

At the end, some of my siblings help me and i proceed with the plan. I believe it will be blooming even more. It's a roller coaster ride, so many hiccup here and there with the stupid management, but what else can i do?? i just have to be patience as i believe in that place. I spend most of my money in renovation and start up costs - pretty a lot. it's ok to spend my money for this experienced. I learned a lot of new things, meeting with real business minded which i love to make friends, bigger network and opportunities too.  The first month was good, sales are increasing and customer love it.

Actually, I had few dejavus of this shop. It meant to happen and I thank God for giving me this opportunity. This is my first step to go big in this few years. So many plan in my head, so many things to do!! It's tiring, i work more hours than before but im happy doing it. Something i wishes for such a long time.

Looking back at what has happened for the past 2 years, I am happy I quit my job and embraced all the challenges and follow my heart and believe in my self and in my dreams. The biggest thing i realised is, i'm becoming more of myself, meaning that i do the talk and being serious with my life. All this years I try to help others, try to help my mom, I think too much but didnt make any action. I spend hours in years wasting my time hang out with my friends. I didn't achieve anything except dragged myself in stupid drama.

The moment I decided to ignore all those stupid drama, I have my Master, I have good business, I have my own shop in just 2 years! I thank God for all that has happened. If not I probably won't realised that I wasted my time in a coffee shop talking nonsense with endless drama. It's a sad thing to loose those i loved and those fun days, but it does makes me a better me and a successful me!

I have so many plan in my life, so many business for me to venture. I'm so excited of what will I achieve in year 2016.  

Hunter x Hunter - Killua my love

The moment I know I have lots of work to do, but the due date is still far from the corner, my mind will redirect me away from doing the suppose task in any way can. It's something I can't really control :P.

Thus, the last 2 weeks I end up watching Hunter x Hunter. Another favourite manga of mine that I read about 10 years ago. I stop reading it since the manga production is pretty slow and always on hiatus. Turns out after 10 years, the story are not far from where I left it! and again it's been in hiatus for 1 year.

Hunter x hunter is an awesome story, about the adventures of Gon and his friends being a hunter with respective mission of their own. Being a hunter gave them license to ultimately doing just whatever they want to, that has no limit in terms of money and power to access certain area or important information. Hunter are thought with the power of Nen that will help them to become stronger. Gon and Killua are special kids that have the superior capabilities of learning and improving their power and combat skills. 

It is one of the top selling anime in Japan. The reason why I like this anime is the characters and the story line which a bit heavy for some people. The friendship bond between Gon and Killua does envy me, and their determination in everything they do. The story are twisted, their power are awesome and I just love everything about this anime. 

You guys can watch it here.

The best character for me is of course KILLUA. He's assassin background and training has make him an awesome mystery cool kid in my eye, not to forget that he does look way cuter than Gon :P. Above all, the dark side of him didn't prevent him being such a loving and supportive friend especially to Gon. Whatever he will put Gon above all, always on his back making him safe and happy all time. That's really touching for me.

Killua with his electricity Nen

Why both Gon and Killua character gives me a deep impact? Because I wish I have someone like Killua, or probably I can be someone like Killua. This anime gives me the chill, twisted feeling for me when I look into my past. I assume such relationship are non existent. There's no way a human being are capable of having that strong love unless they have pure heart which possibly too rare to happen. Or perhaps i'm just unlucky to believe in some one and be fooled by her hidden evil.

Killua and Alluka

The strong bond between them envy me... well, what do u expect from real human right? One thing for sure, I thought I had this kind of best friend relationship before... to my surprise, it's just a temporary or I would say fake, she changed when she find another bastard that willing to fuck her and worship her. 

I know my anger won't disappear, the betrayal I felt will never be erased forever. 

If only I have Killua capabilities, I will definitely giver her the thunderbolt hahaha. Fuck her.


I hope this manga will be continue and no more hiatus!! Stop torture and playing with your fans heart Yoshihiro Togashi!

It's Sunday today

I have bad muscle pain all over my body this morning due excessive exercise yesterday. It took me several minute to decide whether i'm able to play basketball or not.

Since i don't want to accept any excuses myself, i just get up and went to play basketball again. Such a rare determination from my lazy ass!!

My playground

When i reach the court there's 1 guy playing basketball, i just ignore him but later he said he want to play with me. So i said fine and waiting for strangers favourite question.. "how old are u?". I don't know why is it important for them to know my age. So i thought i want to lie.. but then as always i just tell the truth :p

He's a college student as i thought so. So we play one on one n have fun laughing at our week skills hehe. Than he told about his passion on basketball, he bought books and even pay class to learn basketball. I was impressed however i can say im better than him except he's way taller than me. He thought me all the basics skills so i just listen and follow him and excel in short time. :)

So we went on playing another 2 on 2 with my nephew and this time i won. Yes my skills is coming back!! Hehe. So one thing i regret, i should ask him to find me if he ever come to play again. At least i have a real person who knows how to play basketball and compete with me!! Seriously he is the only person i ever see playing basketball there. How pitiful it is, normally guys go there to play futsal on basketball court. How irritating it is.

Another interesting day for me.... now i got all this pain attack on arms and legs, dragging my leg as walking. I guess i have to stop playing for few days.

Tomorrow is my registration day.... and i seriously need to find part time work. My bro business will not start as soon as i thought :(. What should I do?

morning sickness??

I think i have this severe morning sickness today. Im doing crazy things today... i woke up at 8, grab my basketball, have a glass of drink and walk to the park and play basketball alone. 🙌👻 (yes after about a month of fail attempts. It's an unbelievable sickness :p)

It's a whole lot new of excitement that i haven't felt for such a long time!! It's felt like i'm a teenager again, a school kid enjoying time throwing basketball into the net for the first time! It's been like 9 years i haven't really play this game. My favourite spot which i'm used to be good at it.

Though i play by myself today.. i got few of high school kids around came and talked to me & join me for a few throw. It's funny to see school kids try to have a chat with me and have that disbelief face when i told them im 31. They was like WOW for a few minutes as they thought im in high school too (it never fails to flattered me looking at those disbelief look everytime i tell someone my age, Haha) and after that i did gave them advice about uni life and professional job.... i don't know why but they seem to like it though. The boy are kind of cute too :p.

My energy for jumping and throwing around only last for 1 hour. It sucks, i wish i can play longer. After that i just sat on the swing and swing for half an hour... relaxing, watching those kid happily play futsal, watching 2 olf man circling the garden for the 20th round probably talking about politics, feeling the cild breeze of air and sunshine on me from between the leaves... i smiled. How could i not doing this since i was working? I used to be an outdoor girl always hang out with friends, play basketball, jogging and have a long gossip enjoying the nature.

It's such a waste. Im happy i really force myself to get up and go out today. It too makes me realise its been such a long time i haven't really went out there and socialise with strangers (apart of vacations). It does feel good and alive.

So im gonna wake up again tomorrow n play basketball again. Should i lie about my age this time? Hehehe

New year bla bla bla!

Happy Belated New Year!

It's not that I don't have time to update New Year post because I'm in Beijing, it's because I'm so busy with my final semester! So, that's it, that's the main reason why I have to cancel my trip to Beijing. I'm so sad. Luckily it's pay off when for the first time ever in my life I got 4.0! Whoooooooot!!! It's worth it hehe.

So talking about new year --->2014,  everything is still blur. I'm still jobless, still waiting for the opportunity, still need to finish up my master. Still have no idea how am I suppose to get money as I'm so lazy to work!

It's heaven to not working, lazying in the house, watching 150 episodes of one piece in 2 weeks, this is the only anime that I'm following right now, it's funny and superb and I like Luffy character A LOT. On top of that I waste my time watching all latest movies, playing with my cats, watch drama, watch Justin Bieber video and amaze with his cuteness and success story and off course watching my beloved TYLER BLACKBURN.

Tyler Blackburn is the most perfect man alive so far (he has overtook Johnny Depp from my list). He has sexy eyes with cute nose, sexy lips, have sweetest smile and so handsome at the same time. It was love at first sight. AAaaahhhhh.... I wish I found someone who looks like him over here, I will definitely not gonna let him go :P.

Sexy serious look that can melt me in mili second

perfect smile that makes me fall in love with him even more

Innocent look and so damn cute that I will give him anything he wants

There's nothing to say.. just fainted

Seriously I'm a victim of CUTENESS!! I wish he is my lover :p. Well, I had a boyfriend who look like very young Johhny depp at certain angle, with eyes and nose almost similar and so cute. Tyler Blackburn has supersede Johnny Depp and my ex. Sometimes I have this dreamy thought, well I can get someone as cute and handsome as my ex, what if Tyler meet me, will he said I'm cute too and will he be interested in me? hehe. Unfortunately for me, he doesn't know me so can't see how far that theory works. I always have rush in my blood whenever I see Johnny Depp in Arizona Dreams. They are so alike (minus the square face of Johnny Depp). I am still angry with my self for cursing him and letting him go and blame his fucked up grandma and his believe. How I made peace whenever i'm thinking about what had happened? easy, he will regret it when he's dead and I'm happy for him for that, that's what he chose.

My ex had set a very high benchmark... thus that's one of the reason why I am still single for the past 8 years, unless if I'm living in San Diego... probably I'll be having lots of BF instead :p. Damn why there are lack of guys with my taste over here. ahhh Tyler....

I'm going to Beijing!

It's been 3 weeks me being jobless and a full time student, no words can describe how awesome it is! It makes me want to extend another month of being jobless... still thinking though because I don't plan to fork out more from my savings.

Anyhow, apart from have no income, I've decided to follow my sister to Beijing this December during my study week! I'm so excited! I can play with real snow for the first time in my life (I played with man made snow before), I want to jump and lay down on snow, play snow balls and throw it to someone face, and probably make a snow man and ABC hehe!

The trip will be 5 days 4 night and we'll be taking MAS package, it's so super cheap about RM393 only inclusive of hotel, transportation, and meals. As for the airline ticket will only cost me around Rm700 only. How can I not go right?

Some of the places that I will go are:

Great Wall of China

 Forbidden City

Imperial Garden

and Beijing National Olympic Stadium 

The time when we will be going will have the lowest temperature from 2 degree to -8 degree, so damn cold. I'm not sure whether I can stand such cold, I can't even stand air cond temperature hehe. So this few days I went to survey winter cloths at Universal Traveller store. Few things I learn is if I'm going to places that is minus 0 degree, I need to have a good down feather winter coat, very good long John, gloves, probably a winter pants, nice boot and scarf. This few things could costs me about RM 900!! Damn.. It's so costly. I guess I need to survey in bundle shop first, probably can save me 90% from the original price.

So... I will be restless and excited until I reach Beijing. Meanwhile I need to think how am I suppose to cut any cost during my jobless day :p

I'm feeling Awkward

Watching Awkward instead of study is something that I should not done in the first place. I have exam tomorrow and yet, all in my head was all the characters in the series that makes me living in fantasy. Especially that cute charming Matty Mckibben and the beautiful Jenna who always trying to ruin things with her self concious and idiot decisions, I really feel wanna slap her. I feel like I am part of the drama (well I am part of all drama that I love :p). I will find the connections in my real life and makes me recall my life again and again with the question with ... "What if?"

It's hard to say in words, because first, English is not my first language and second I'm seriously sucks in writing. So the best thing I can do is just imagine. I still remember when I was young, no one ever understand me, especially my family. Even my friends don't really understand me. It's like I'm a kid living in an adult woman body, having my own thinking that I don't think one would understand at my age. I have friends and family but deep inside I'm always lonely. That's where cats feel in my empty life. I just talk with my cats as if they understand me, it gives me relief.

The brought up makes me who I am now, and sometimes I do feel I'm way too serious in my life and didn't really chill out when I was a teenage girl. I blame it to my hormone? or lack of communication? or hatred to the surroundings? or just want to be anti social?. I don't like people to know me, to be in the centre of attention and do what girls always do, have a bunch of boy friends. I'm proud of being myself, being different from others and yet people do notice me and somehow care to "care" about my existence. It's weird to know that some have their attention towards me when I don't give a damn about anybody. It's funny when I knew some nick name me as a "model" LOL. Same goes when I'm in Uni, I have "sexy or cat" as my nickname, that's so weird as I never wore sexy cloths... at least I loose up a little bit in Uni. However, I could achieve more if I want to... yeah I regret it.

So, what if I was different, I was as open as I am now, mingle with everyone, be more actives and just do what I want? Probably I will not be here, feeling jealous of other peoples achievement in life if I mingle with the right group... those who are smart ass and rich and know their way out to success?

Not that I am not success in my way.... but I would gain more, - scholarship in UK, enjoy my life to the fullest and have a high paid job in pound sterling.. who knows right?

Well...if only I knew, if someone can guide me!! On top of that, I blame it on the technology. If only I have a lot of information and the internet is way cheaper back then.. I will definitely know what I should do to study abroad, a leap to a better achievement.

I could write nonsense all nite , It's just me trying to excuse myself from studying!!! I seriously can't focus. Hopefully I can answer all the questions correctly tomorrow.

Till then adios.. I need to sleep.

Busy doing nothing?

Well, I'm officially jobless and am a full time student for a week. Seriously time goes by like a rocket. So far all are good, I'm busy doing my business thingy and classes. I still don't have time to start any of my assignments (as usual) and focus on my master project.

Seems like, I'm not in line with my own schedule except having a good meeting with my supplier. He wants me to join him and get profit sharing from the sales. This is new things for me, not sure how good it is. See how it goes, it could be good or not worth it.

I spend my weekend watching Awkward series. It's a typical teenage series, but as long as there's a cute guy and pretty ladies with a good story, I don't mind watching it :p

So, after gossip girl, my favourite series are:

Pretty Little Liars

This series is the best so far, with so many beautiful ladies, and boys especially Tyler Blackburn! He's so damn cute. I will definitely ask him out if I saw him :p

next, Once Upon a Time

It's an ok series to me, just curious what's going to happen next.

The Games of Thrones

Luckily the third season is quite interesting, if not I'm going to dish this series.
and the last series would be...

The Carries Diaries

Hoping the second season would be better..

As for now, I need to study for this Wednesday Quantitative test. I don't like remote sensing at all...

I'm Back!!

Oh My Gosh...

I know that my last post was about temptation to leave everything in this world behind me, but no worries..
I'm still alive and healthy and in fact getting fatter :P Year 2012 is a crazy year, a year of another disturbance and a year of awakening for me. Yeah, that was it!

I totally forgot I have this blog. I know my short term memories is getting worst by days. I'm afraid that one day I will go out, and totally forgot about who I am. That could happen... probably... I don't know.

It seems like every 5 years or so, things are repeating, history repeat itself, not exactly the same, but likely the same. One thing for sure, I'm seriously can't even have a boy as best friends... it will end up weird and I just hate it. I hate when everyone I trust just fooling me around. The solution is, I WILL NEVER TRUST ANYONE EVER AGAIN. It's fun to just play around :)

Thus, I just kick them all away as usual, seems like it's the best solution for  me, I don't have enough time to waste my precious time dealing with stupid emotions. It's just best to just ignore it and move on. It's too easy for me. Once I have this "ignorance and don't care feeling" I can be so ruthless, I think that is my expertise hahaha. I totally have no feeling once I click on the mood. I just don't give a damn. Even though if someone told me he is dying, seriously I don't care and do not have a single sympathy in my heart. I know it sounds evil, well, can't help... that's how I feel. No offence.

However, it's a good turnover for me. I realized I have been in dreamland for so long, wasting my time hanging out, talking rubbish, totally not productive for years!! Once I turn on the ignorance mood, I realized I'm 31 and still poor, full of debt, lonely and hate my job. That's when I thought oh shit, I just need to do something or else I'll be the same in 10 more years.

So, I hang out with my girl friends more which is awesome, they are energetic, just do what ever we want and planned and I think, I do different activities compare to before, and I love the new me!

I just stop thinking to much, I stop worrying to much, I stop thinking of those shitty person in my life, I stop daydreaming and just go for it, do whatever I want! The best decision ever made, I continue my master. It's awesome, making myself busy doing something useful. Instead of just planning and thinking too much, I just do it. The feeling is great, I'm in control again :)

The best part is, I never knew I can do way better during my Master while working at the same time. This is the first time I'm actually serious with my life :p

The most crazy thing I did was, I QUIT MY JOB!!!! Finally, I have the gut to just QUIT my job!! The moment I decided to quit, I felt so happy...the moment I woke up in the morning, I can actually smile, that when I realized, I never have this feeling for the past 7 years. I can't imagine why I drag myself all this years.
First time in my life I feel so relief. I decided it's the moment I need to follow my heart doing things I want to do instead of doing things what other people thinks I should do. I had enough doing things to pleased others. This time, I'm going to give myself a chance to actually do what I WANT TO DO!

Though I admit this is not an easy decision, I'm not sure how this is a good idea... but what the hell, I'll never know if I didn't try it. I am totally HAPPY, that's what is important to me now :)
You get it right, I will definitely write more :P

I'm on vacation for a month, focusing on my study and my business and definitely need to lose weight! So I will start my 30 days losing weight challenge! Update soon!

In the mean time, I want to sleep and enjoy myself being jobless.

Tempting

tempting to ride an endless road

taking me to nowhere

in the midst of dust

tempting to run away

isolate in lost island

rotten to death

tempting to push the pedal to the max

to bring me to the next life

to left what's behind

tempting to swim in the red pool

suffocate in my own pool of blood

end my suffer

tempting to electrified myself

erase all my memories

and live in solemn

tempting to end everything

for the next life

but i dont want to be selfish to do all.

as I will kill more hearts than my ownself.

I'm trapped and remained suffocate for the rest of my life.

....

I'm confused

My feelings is not helping me

I don't know what's the right thing to do.

If this thing keep going on,

I could be sick again.

But I don't plan to be sick again.

I don't plan to go all over this ever again.

My time bomb is ticking...

I need to get away...

Someone need to save me...

I'm scared.

My 30’s

 

I’m turning 30 today! 3 consecutive days of early celebration with friends, family and 3 cute cakes .

I am blessed with great friends and family and a happy life

     

Basically, none that I plan to achieved in my 20’s achieved.

So will see how my luck in my 30’s will be.

V-day

How should I say this...

It's weird and shocked,

It's surprising and unpredictable,

It crushed me hard for a weird reasons,

It should not happened,

I've been avoiding this kind of feeling for so, so long,

and suddenly it happened yesterday.

I don't know why I feel happy but sad,

I don't know why I felt what I felt,

But its unavoidable, it just can't,

I'm not that strong,

I'm so sorry.

Believe me, my heart felt something,

It makes me restless,

But I'm not that strong,

I'm so sorry,

I just can't.

I didn't know why I cried,

But I did.

and I'm so sad...

I need sometimes alone...

please forgive me.

Road trip cancel

I suppose to be in Hat Yai today, unfortunately my road trip is cancelled due to my friends mom admitted in hospital :(

So sad... now I have to wait untill July for my next trip.

Ad sense

I don't understand why Google Ad Sense disabled my accounts due to invalid clicking?

Nonsense... I never joined any third party clicking services or etc.

All my money from the AdSense gone! Damn it!

I'm appealing for them to reopen my accounts if not I will be very disappointed.

Thinking of him

It’s been a beautiful year, nothing change, nothing interesting happens it’s all the same years all over again. Was it bad? Nah not really, it’s pretty fun. The best thing happen to me this year was…… can’t really think of 1, probably by just having Sylvia with me makes me happy all day . 

I went for 2 vacations last November as the closure of this year vacation. I Went to Melaka and Lost world of Tambun in Perak. I suppose to write about it in here but I’m so lazy, probably next time.

The things I really regretted this year was my unsuccessful attempt to get Shell job. I’m proud I managed to get to the final round, but I’m so frustrated I didn’t get it. If only I get the job at Shell I will get a better salary and a better opportunity. Luckily I was promoted to senior level on the same month. I don’t know how good it is, it’s just on the name card not officially yet… u know boss tricks to make staff stay longer. Yes I will stay until the next increments.. if it’s bad I will apply another job again.

Love life? no luck yet.. I can’t find anyone I’m interested in around me though someone has admit he likes me and yeah a few wanted me to be their wife but my heart is sealed tightly, I don’t want to take any chances… I just hate it.

However, lately I realised that I am in love with someone. I’m so in love with him even though I never meet him, never really “talk” with him. He knows how to talk to me, to make me laugh whenever I’m sad. He knows how to make me happy within a few minutes even though I’m really in a bad mood. He always makes me laugh and smile and always bright my day. He knows me well enough for someone whom I never met. I just love the way we have our crazy conversations. I love the way he cares for me. I just love him. He’s so good that he don’t need to meet me, buy me things, do anything to make me fall for him. I can be my real crazy self when we chat, something that I don’t really do when I’m with my ex. I can be crazier and funnier when I talk to him. We have the same level of thinking and ridiculously ridiculous.

I regret I didn’t give chances to him.. but what can I do? I want to but I can’t…. If only I gave him chance, but I’m just too scared.. Probably if he push me harder then probably I will hahaha.. I want to tell him I love him but I don’t think I will ever say it to him. It could be a disaster!! “Differences” always fucked me up . Both of us are busy right now, he’s busy with he’s gun and I'm busy with software. We can’t chat everyday like we used to do.. I feel like lack of happy crazy dose whenever he’s not around.

I felt different this time around. Just having this love feeling towards him makes me smile, and thinking he is happy with his life, does makes me happy too even though he doesn’t really know my feeling towards him. And even though I don’t know how exactly he felt towards me. Does he likes me a lot or just a little or same with me (I wish hehe). I don’t know and I can’t really care much..all I know is, I just love him so much. If only I found someone like him over here.. I will not think twice .

If only I can have him, I’m sure he can make me smile all day. Reality check, I don't think I can find love just yet over here. Unless If suddenly everything change and I can be with him.. it’s such a fairy tales comes true. Dream on..

 

Happy New Year!

Game Of Thrones

I was introduced by my friends to watch this series "Game Of Thrones", it is an American medieval fantasy television series by David Benioff and D.B Weiss, based on author George R R. Martin's best selling A Song of Ice and Fire series of fantasy novels.

It was pretty slow at first and seems like a normal medieval stories. The dramatic and tragic ending of its chapter kept me watching it non stop. It is an awesome medieval series. I love it. The best character for me is Tyrion of Lannister and Daenerys Targeryen. Tyrion is a smart ass and I love the way he manipulate his words and his straight forwardness. Daenerys is full of mysteries and beautiful.

I always love classic english and the way they used to introduce themselves... I am Tyrion the son of Tywin Lannister hehe..

I can't wait for the second season to aired... meanwhile, Im following Gossip Girl and Pretty Little liars :P

The Royal Malaysian Traditional Spa (The Reneau Spa) at Plaza Damas review - Rude customer service

I am so pissed off today, supposing my cheerful day out for a spa package was filled with a bad and sucks experience of customer service at this Spa: The Royal Malaysian Traditional Spa (The Reneau Spa) at Plaza Damas.

 

The story goes like this:

 

I bought the 4 package for this Spa on early September and call them on 13 sept to book for 8/10/11 session. Their staff has confirmed our booking and they do not inform us about anything else.

 

On 8/10/11, we arrived at Spa, greeted and the supervisor was surprised as she said it's already full.

 

I told her I booked already and it is confirmed by her staff on 13/9/11. With a tight face, she asked did i reconfirmed again yesterday. I said, no cause I am not told to reconfirmed in fact it's already confirmed.

 

She asked for the staff name. I said I forgot cause its already a month and if I had, i jot it down in the office. So I asked how come my book is not listed. She said that I should reconfirmed and keep on saying that I should reconfirmed. My name is not in the list thus she said she doesnt know whether I'm telling her the truth. (WTF! how could she blame a customer! what she think that i'm an idiot or a liar and never been to a spa and didn't know that i have to booked first? so I start to piss off).

 

I said, perhaps she could say her staff name so that i can remember whom i spoke too. She refused cause she said they are busy so could not disturb them.. and then she cant do anything cause it's full anyway (with a rude tone). Then she disappear at the back and she's NOT YET appologize to us.

 

So I'm so pissed off and talked to my friend saying that she is so rude to treat us this way, no apology and no feeling of regret towards her way treating us.

 

Perhaps she heard our conversations, she appear again and said she's sorry. I said perhaps you can call your staff regarding this maybe your staff remember me. Again she refused!!!! she said no point to call them cause u did not reconfirmed and your name is not in the list. She said ... If u make the booking your name should be in the list.

 

I was angrier cause she keep on blaming us, I asked what kind of method u used in making booking, how come your staff said it is confirmed and my name is not in the list??

 

She said, they should tell her and she would reconfirmed to customer. She said if I call the hand phone number, most probably her staff forgot. So I said well it is your mistakes that your staff didn't jot it down. it is not our mistakes. And she replied to me arrogantly and high tone voice, "I can't say it is our mistake or anybody mistake cause there is no proof that you even make the booking, I can't say my staff is wrong." (WTF!!! she still dont want to admit her staff mistakes and being very rude to us, I even show her my email to my friends saying I called them and confirmed the date).

 

I told her, I don't like her tone and I don't like the way she treat us. I said I don't care because it is not my mistake that they do not do their job. To my surprise she said "I dont care either if u had make the booking or not cause your name is not in the list and it's full already I cant do anything for u". ( I really wanna slap her!!)

 

Immediately I asked for her boss number and will complaint about her rudeness. Fuck her.

 

I deal with this thing a lot and if the company make mistakes, they would just shut up and apologize for their mistakes and would recommend a better solution! This supervisor is shit! How could she keep on blaming us for not reconfirmed?? That's her job to call us and reconfirmed again!! Idiot! Obviously she did not do her job!

 

Don't tell me because I bought at discount prices they purposely kicked our booking! If this happened I will not hesitate to report to the tribunal. I emailed and call the manager regarding this, perhaps that supervisor don't think I would complaint about her.

 

I'm still pissed off with that supervisor. I wish their management will take action on her.

I will never promote this spa to anyone.

 

I went to SP Body Wellness Spa before and even though their name is not "Royal", they treat us like a Royal. They call us a day before to reconfirmed, they even call us 10 minutes earlier before the session start just to make sure we are not lost!

 

I recommend SP Body Wellness Spa!

 

Update 28/12/11:

 

I went to Taman Permata branch early this month and I can say it’s really sucks. Why?

1. The place is bad, the floor is oily and they did not provide sandals to customers.
2. Customers privacy is not taken care off, customers in spa can see my bare body at scrub area!!
3. They don’t scrub my body, just put scrub on me.
4. Massage is sucks too, I don’t feel like they massage me, I just feel like they just touch and pinch me, with their poor technique, I can massage on my own! Plus they just massage my back, lower back and lower front. NOT FULL body massage.
5. Facial is awful too, they don’t even clean my white and black heads. Just put something on my face and wash it, and this process is repeated for 3 times and facial is done!
6. They are not professional. Talking and chit chating with the staff while working. Spend lots of time answer phone and greet customers while massaging and facial session, so they don’t spend 100% time on customers.
7. Place to put customers bags are not save, no lock.
8. Place for changing cloths is not suitable as well.
9. The only thing that is worth is it’s spa.

The rest was awful. I will never go this place ever again. Not worth it.