Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Thinking of him

It’s been a beautiful year, nothing change, nothing interesting happens it’s all the same years all over again. Was it bad? Nah not really, it’s pretty fun. The best thing happen to me this year was…… can’t really think of 1, probably by just having Sylvia with me makes me happy all day Smile with tongue out

I went for 2 vacations last November as the closure of this year vacation. I Went to Melaka and Lost world of Tambun in Perak. I suppose to write about it in here but I’m so lazy, probably next time.

The things I really regretted this year was my unsuccessful attempt to get Shell job. I’m proud I managed to get to the final round, but I’m so frustrated I didn’t get it. If only I get the job at Shell I will get a better salary and a better opportunity. Luckily I was promoted to senior level on the same month. I don’t know how good it is, it’s just on the name card not officially yet… u know boss tricks to make staff stay longer. Yes I will stay until the next increments.. if it’s bad I will apply another job again.

Love life? no luck yet.. I can’t find anyone I’m interested in around me though someone has admit he likes me and yeah a few wanted me to be their wife but my heart is sealed tightly, I don’t want to take any chances… I just hate it.

However, lately I realised that I am in love with someone. I’m so in love with him even though I never meet him, never really “talk” with him. He knows how to talk to me, to make me laugh whenever I’m sad. He knows how to make me happy within a few minutes even though I’m really in a bad mood. He always makes me laugh and smile and always bright my day. He knows me well enough for someone whom I never met. I just love the way we have our crazy conversations. I love the way he cares for me. I just love him. He’s so good that he don’t need to meet me, buy me things, do anything to make me fall for him. I can be my real crazy self when we chat, something that I don’t really do when I’m with my ex. I can be crazier and funnier when I talk to him. We have the same level of thinking and ridiculously ridiculous.

I regret I didn’t give chances to him.. but what can I do? I want to but I can’t…Sad smile. If only I gave him chance, but I’m just too scared.. Probably if he push me harder then probably I will hahaha.. I want to tell him I love him but I don’t think I will ever say it to him. It could be a disaster!! “Differences” always fucked me up Sad smile. Both of us are busy right now, he’s busy with he’s gun and I'm busy with software. We can’t chat everyday like we used to do.. I feel like lack of happy crazy dose whenever he’s not around.

I felt different this time around. Just having this love feeling towards him makes me smile, and thinking he is happy with his life, does makes me happy too even though he doesn’t really know my feeling towards him. And even though I don’t know how exactly he felt towards me. Does he likes me a lot or just a little or same with me (I wish hehe). I don’t know and I can’t really care much..all I know is, I just love him so much. If only I found someone like him over here.. I will not think twice Smile with tongue out.

If only I can have him, I’m sure he can make me smile all day. Reality check, I don't think I can find love just yet over here. Unless If suddenly everything change and I can be with him.. it’s such a fairy tales comes true. Dream on.. Smile with tongue out


Happy New Year!

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