Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Happy New Year 2016!!

Wow!! It's almost 2 years I didn't update this blog? Never been this lazy before hehe. To tell you the truth (as if anybody cares) at least once a month I thought of writing something on this blog before I go to sleep. It's never happened because I'm proven to have lazy ass and I end up watching series every night before going to bed. However, I successfully forcing myself to log in and write something today muahahaha... and it's probably gonna be a long booooring story of myself in this hectic world.

My 2014 was pretty intense though relaxing in a way. As per my last post, it's all about me wasting my time watching anime or tv series more than 8 hours a day enjoying my life as a student and a jobless person, and I'm using almost all my saving to pay all my debts and expanses and yet I dont feel anything about it, never been this happy to be free from my previous life as an under appreciated engineer working with stupid management.

However at some point I do feel my life was useless, I feel there's no point to live, no money, I'm becoming such a poor person living with credit cards debt and still, I feel nothing about it, no regrets, no worries and really doesn't care about anything. I just focus on classes and trying to finish up my Master with excellent grades. My whole life, I never really care to study and get good marks. It felt different when I myself wanted to further study and used my own money to pay for the fees and getting scholarship for the first time in my life. For the first time, i'm being serious and wanting to get good marks and really study for it and walllaaahhhh... I get awesome cgpa - 3.94!! If only I study during my degree and diploma, most probably I don't need to pay for my study loan now :P.

During that time, I was lucky that a friend of mine giving me a freelance training job which pays a lot. If only I knew the job pays a lot, I probably won't reject customers offer and have done it earlier! Such a waste, I'm so obedient to my company and I regret it. Moral of the story - think of yourself first, not your company. It helps me pay the bills. I only work for 4 days and I get more than my previous salary! It's pretty sad that most of the job comes in during my final month and I have to reject it, otherwise it's enough to pay my bills for another year.

So, by end of 2014, I graduated with flying colors. Lecturers offered me grants to continue my PHD. I had enough study already, and I plan to go abroad for my PHD, so I reject all of their offers. Now comes the hard part - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??

It's a hard question cause:
1- I don't want to work with any company.
2 - I'm broke and can only survive for another 2 months
3- No confirmed freelance job in few months
4- I really hate the feeling that I need to work with somebody again

So, the first few months was hard. The former 'sister' company offered me a job, however the person in charge in interviewing me doesn't want me even though the boss wants me as i have the most experience and have certs and way more knowledgeable from all their staff. i do feel insulted a bit, but it's their lost not mine. i don't like that job anyway unless if they can pay what I requested for. Those who knows me are pretty upset cause I was not hired, the funny part is, my classmates who have zero knowledge about that job and doesn't have experience got the job! so i guess the person in charge prefer someone who doesnt have experience and not that smart to be under her so she can be in control. WTH.. I feel a bit insulted but again it's their lost not mine. So I moved on - I worked with my friends as a sales assistant in his sculpture shop hahaha.

It's fun at first but then I get bored. The salary was small but at least i can pay my bills. I know my mom didnt like it cause I'm a master student, I should work like before. I know she hates it that I couldnt help her in her expenses, i can't take her for vacation and I cant help her to fix all broken things in the house. I am super upset about this as my mom aren't being fair with me,. I never asked for her money unlike my brother who didnt work for years and always ask money from my mom and us and even me! and yet my mom was ok for him not working and blame me for not wanting to work?? Guess what?? I don't care anymore and it's time for me to think of myself and what i want and what i want to achieve! I always put her first, always try to give what she wants, but at the end of the day I'm still the person she wants to blame and she doesn't seem to appreciate everything I've done to her. She said,  the rests are so good at managing and planning their life or for those she pity, she will gave them supports and money. They all are selfish! I'm done being so nice. It's time for me to get what i wanted and gain back everything I lost.

Going to year 2015 - I quit my job as sales assistant. This year is full of surprises and me being the new me - exploring all the possibilities that might suite me and fill my pockets with lots of cash as long as i dont need to work with anybody. It's a crazy survival year!

Firstly I spend more time focusing on my online business, getting more sales each months but yet i cant depends on it to pay my bills. I joined the state business group to gain more free knowledge and built up my networks. Its awesome at first, meeting lots of new people, successful people and those who have good network and relationships. However, after a few months, i can see all their true nature, most are selfish and doesn't really wants to help others, but rather help themselves. Somehow, some of them loves me cause I have Master, i dont know why, but most probably it looks good to them cause they have a Master student under their programme, easy to get loan etc i dont know. I start to get away from those people. I hate those types of people who just wants me for their benefits. So i decided not to join them anymore.

I moved on to try something new - being a unit trust agent hahaha. I never see myself doing this type of job. It's exciting as i learned a lot of new things in regards of economics, investment etc and it makes me realise that I'm totally doom cause I dont have any savings and investment now. That's a scary truth. It makes me realise - i really wasted my 10 years of working and not being a smart investor!! For a couple of months i focused on this job, searching for new clients, meet up with more sincere professionals people compare to those business club. deep inside i still wants my own business to bloom. I always pray to open my own shop this year. It doesn't look realistic looking at my economy now.

I don't know why... everything happened too fast I thought it's all just a day dream.

One fine day, i went to see this new mall recommended by my friend. I fell in love with it and all the promotions they giving me. I make a crazy decisions, I sttaight away booked the shoplot and think later - on how am i supposed to get the money for deposits and for renovation costs. I went home and feeling super excited to tell mom about it, and guess what?? she doesn't really care to even listen to me. I feel like crying (i'm still in emotional states of her not being fair with me). She always care to listen to my brothers dreamy never happens business project but my more realistic business, she doesn't even care to listen. I asked helps from my sisters and brothers... negatives responds.

I was so disappointed, spending my days crying in the room. My mom always scold me if i doesn't want to help my brothers but when im in need of money, no one is there to help me. Not even my mom. The youngsters are all selfish. If they dont want to help me, fine. I will prove to them that i can do this. the worst thing that would happened is, i'll go bancrupt. Do i care?? No! cause this is my chance that I should grab or else i will stuck with my previous life.

At the end, some of my siblings help me and i proceed with the plan. I believe it will be blooming even more. It's a roller coaster ride, so many hiccup here and there with the stupid management, but what else can i do?? i just have to be patience as i believe in that place. I spend most of my money in renovation and start up costs - pretty a lot. it's ok to spend my money for this experienced. I learned a lot of new things, meeting with real business minded which i love to make friends, bigger network and opportunities too.  The first month was good, sales are increasing and customer love it.

Actually, I had few dejavus of this shop. It meant to happen and I thank God for giving me this opportunity. This is my first step to go big in this few years. So many plan in my head, so many things to do!! It's tiring, i work more hours than before but im happy doing it. Something i wishes for such a long time.

Looking back at what has happened for the past 2 years, I am happy I quit my job and embraced all the challenges and follow my heart and believe in my self and in my dreams. The biggest thing i realised is, i'm becoming more of myself, meaning that i do the talk and being serious with my life. All this years I try to help others, try to help my mom, I think too much but didnt make any action. I spend hours in years wasting my time hang out with my friends. I didn't achieve anything except dragged myself in stupid drama.

The moment I decided to ignore all those stupid drama, I have my Master, I have good business, I have my own shop in just 2 years! I thank God for all that has happened. If not I probably won't realised that I wasted my time in a coffee shop talking nonsense with endless drama. It's a sad thing to loose those i loved and those fun days, but it does makes me a better me and a successful me!

I have so many plan in my life, so many business for me to venture. I'm so excited of what will I achieve in year 2016.  

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Hunter x Hunter - Killua my love

The moment I know I have lots of work to do, but the due date is still far from the corner, my mind will redirect me away from doing the suppose task in any way can. It's something I can't really control :P.

Thus, the last 2 weeks I end up watching Hunter x Hunter. Another favourite manga of mine that I read about 10 years ago. I stop reading it since the manga production is pretty slow and always on hiatus. Turns out after 10 years, the story are not far from where I left it! and again it's been in hiatus for 1 year.

Hunter x hunter is an awesome story, about the adventures of Gon and his friends being a hunter with respective mission of their own. Being a hunter gave them license to ultimately doing just whatever they want to, that has no limit in terms of money and power to access certain area or important information. Hunter are thought with the power of Nen that will help them to become stronger. Gon and Killua are special kids that have the superior capabilities of learning and improving their power and combat skills. 

It is one of the top selling anime in Japan. The reason why I like this anime is the characters and the story line which a bit heavy for some people. The friendship bond between Gon and Killua does envy me, and their determination in everything they do. The story are twisted, their power are awesome and I just love everything about this anime. 

You guys can watch it here.

The best character for me is of course KILLUA. He's assassin background and training has make him an awesome mystery cool kid in my eye, not to forget that he does look way cuter than Gon :P. Above all, the dark side of him didn't prevent him being such a loving and supportive friend especially to Gon. Whatever he will put Gon above all, always on his back making him safe and happy all time. That's really touching for me.

Killua with his electricity Nen

Why both Gon and Killua character gives me a deep impact? Because I wish I have someone like Killua, or probably I can be someone like Killua. This anime gives me the chill, twisted feeling for me when I look into my past. I assume such relationship are non existent. There's no way a human being are capable of having that strong love unless they have pure heart which possibly too rare to happen. Or perhaps i'm just unlucky to believe in some one and be fooled by her hidden evil.

Killua and Alluka

The strong bond between them envy me... well, what do u expect from real human right? One thing for sure, I thought I had this kind of best friend relationship before... to my surprise, it's just a temporary or I would say fake, she changed when she find another bastard that willing to fuck her and worship her. 

I know my anger won't disappear, the betrayal I felt will never be erased forever. 

If only I have Killua capabilities, I will definitely giver her the thunderbolt hahaha. Fuck her.

I hope this manga will be continue and no more hiatus!! Stop torture and playing with your fans heart Yoshihiro Togashi!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

It's Sunday today

I have bad muscle pain all over my body this morning due excessive exercise yesterday. It took me several minute to decide whether i'm able to play basketball or not.

Since i don't want to accept any excuses myself, i just get up and went to play basketball again. Such a rare determination from my lazy ass!!

My playground

When i reach the court there's 1 guy playing basketball, i just ignore him but later he said he want to play with me. So i said fine and waiting for strangers favourite question.. "how old are u?". I don't know why is it important for them to know my age. So i thought i want to lie.. but then as always i just tell the truth :p

He's a college student as i thought so. So we play one on one n have fun laughing at our week skills hehe. Than he told about his passion on basketball, he bought books and even pay class to learn basketball. I was impressed however i can say im better than him except he's way taller than me. He thought me all the basics skills so i just listen and follow him and excel in short time. :)

So we went on playing another 2 on 2 with my nephew and this time i won. Yes my skills is coming back!! Hehe. So one thing i regret, i should ask him to find me if he ever come to play again. At least i have a real person who knows how to play basketball and compete with me!! Seriously he is the only person i ever see playing basketball there. How pitiful it is, normally guys go there to play futsal on basketball court. How irritating it is.

Another interesting day for me.... now i got all this pain attack on arms and legs, dragging my leg as walking. I guess i have to stop playing for few days.

Tomorrow is my registration day.... and i seriously need to find part time work. My bro business will not start as soon as i thought :(. What should I do?

Saturday, February 1, 2014

morning sickness??

I think i have this severe morning sickness today. Im doing crazy things today... i woke up at 8, grab my basketball, have a glass of drink and walk to the park and play basketball alone. 🙌👻 (yes after about a month of fail attempts. It's an unbelievable sickness :p)

It's a whole lot new of excitement that i haven't felt for such a long time!! It's felt like i'm a teenager again, a school kid enjoying time throwing basketball into the net for the first time! It's been like 9 years i haven't really play this game. My favourite spot which i'm used to be good at it.

Though i play by myself today.. i got few of high school kids around came and talked to me & join me for a few throw. It's funny to see school kids try to have a chat with me and have that disbelief face when i told them im 31. They was like WOW for a few minutes as they thought im in high school too (it never fails to flattered me looking at those disbelief look everytime i tell someone my age, Haha) and after that i did gave them advice about uni life and professional job.... i don't know why but they seem to like it though. The boy are kind of cute too :p.

My energy for jumping and throwing around only last for 1 hour. It sucks, i wish i can play longer. After that i just sat on the swing and swing for half an hour... relaxing, watching those kid happily play futsal, watching 2 olf man circling the garden for the 20th round probably talking about politics, feeling the cild breeze of air and sunshine on me from between the leaves... i smiled. How could i not doing this since i was working? I used to be an outdoor girl always hang out with friends, play basketball, jogging and have a long gossip enjoying the nature.

It's such a waste. Im happy i really force myself to get up and go out today. It too makes me realise its been such a long time i haven't really went out there and socialise with strangers (apart of vacations). It does feel good and alive.

So im gonna wake up again tomorrow n play basketball again. Should i lie about my age this time? Hehehe

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

New year bla bla bla!

Happy Belated New Year!

It's not that I don't have time to update New Year post because I'm in Beijing, it's because I'm so busy with my final semester! So, that's it, that's the main reason why I have to cancel my trip to Beijing. I'm so sad. Luckily it's pay off when for the first time ever in my life I got 4.0! Whoooooooot!!! It's worth it hehe.

So talking about new year --->2014,  everything is still blur. I'm still jobless, still waiting for the opportunity, still need to finish up my master. Still have no idea how am I suppose to get money as I'm so lazy to work!

It's heaven to not working, lazying in the house, watching 150 episodes of one piece in 2 weeks, this is the only anime that I'm following right now, it's funny and superb and I like Luffy character A LOT. On top of that I waste my time watching all latest movies, playing with my cats, watch drama, watch Justin Bieber video and amaze with his cuteness and success story and off course watching my beloved TYLER BLACKBURN.

Tyler Blackburn is the most perfect man alive so far (he has overtook Johnny Depp from my list). He has sexy eyes with cute nose, sexy lips, have sweetest smile and so handsome at the same time. It was love at first sight. AAaaahhhhh.... I wish I found someone who looks like him over here, I will definitely not gonna let him go :P.

Sexy serious look that can melt me in mili second

perfect smile that makes me fall in love with him even more

Innocent look and so damn cute that I will give him anything he wants

There's nothing to say.. just fainted

Seriously I'm a victim of CUTENESS!! I wish he is my lover :p. Well, I had a boyfriend who look like very young Johhny depp at certain angle, with eyes and nose almost similar and so cute. Tyler Blackburn has supersede Johnny Depp and my ex. Sometimes I have this dreamy thought, well I can get someone as cute and handsome as my ex, what if Tyler meet me, will he said I'm cute too and will he be interested in me? hehe. Unfortunately for me, he doesn't know me so can't see how far that theory works. I always have rush in my blood whenever I see Johnny Depp in Arizona Dreams. They are so alike (minus the square face of Johnny Depp). I am still angry with my self for cursing him and letting him go and blame his fucked up grandma and his believe. How I made peace whenever i'm thinking about what had happened? easy, he will regret it when he's dead and I'm happy for him for that, that's what he chose.

My ex had set a very high benchmark... thus that's one of the reason why I am still single for the past 8 years, unless if I'm living in San Diego... probably I'll be having lots of BF instead :p. Damn why there are lack of guys with my taste over here. ahhh Tyler....

Sunday, October 20, 2013

I'm going to Beijing!

It's been 3 weeks me being jobless and a full time student, no words can describe how awesome it is! It makes me want to extend another month of being jobless... still thinking though because I don't plan to fork out more from my savings.

Anyhow, apart from have no income, I've decided to follow my sister to Beijing this December during my study week! I'm so excited! I can play with real snow for the first time in my life (I played with man made snow before), I want to jump and lay down on snow, play snow balls and throw it to someone face, and probably make a snow man and ABC hehe!

The trip will be 5 days 4 night and we'll be taking MAS package, it's so super cheap about RM393 only inclusive of hotel, transportation, and meals. As for the airline ticket will only cost me around Rm700 only. How can I not go right?

Some of the places that I will go are:
Great Wall of China

 Forbidden City

Imperial Garden

and Beijing National Olympic Stadium 

The time when we will be going will have the lowest temperature from 2 degree to -8 degree, so damn cold. I'm not sure whether I can stand such cold, I can't even stand air cond temperature hehe. So this few days I went to survey winter cloths at Universal Traveller store. Few things I learn is if I'm going to places that is minus 0 degree, I need to have a good down feather winter coat, very good long John, gloves, probably a winter pants, nice boot and scarf. This few things could costs me about RM 900!! Damn.. It's so costly. I guess I need to survey in bundle shop first, probably can save me 90% from the original price.

So... I will be restless and excited until I reach Beijing. Meanwhile I need to think how am I suppose to cut any cost during my jobless day :p

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I'm feeling Awkward

Watching Awkward instead of study is something that I should not done in the first place. I have exam tomorrow and yet, all in my head was all the characters in the series that makes me living in fantasy. Especially that cute charming Matty Mckibben and the beautiful Jenna who always trying to ruin things with her self concious and idiot decisions, I really feel wanna slap her. I feel like I am part of the drama (well I am part of all drama that I love :p). I will find the connections in my real life and makes me recall my life again and again with the question with ... "What if?"

It's hard to say in words, because first, English is not my first language and second I'm seriously sucks in writing. So the best thing I can do is just imagine. I still remember when I was young, no one ever understand me, especially my family. Even my friends don't really understand me. It's like I'm a kid living in an adult woman body, having my own thinking that I don't think one would understand at my age. I have friends and family but deep inside I'm always lonely. That's where cats feel in my empty life. I just talk with my cats as if they understand me, it gives me relief.

The brought up makes me who I am now, and sometimes I do feel I'm way too serious in my life and didn't really chill out when I was a teenage girl. I blame it to my hormone? or lack of communication? or hatred to the surroundings? or just want to be anti social?. I don't like people to know me, to be in the centre of attention and do what girls always do, have a bunch of boy friends. I'm proud of being myself, being different from others and yet people do notice me and somehow care to "care" about my existence. It's weird to know that some have their attention towards me when I don't give a damn about anybody. It's funny when I knew some nick name me as a "model" LOL. Same goes when I'm in Uni, I have "sexy or cat" as my nickname, that's so weird as I never wore sexy cloths... at least I loose up a little bit in Uni. However, I could achieve more if I want to... yeah I regret it.

So, what if I was different, I was as open as I am now, mingle with everyone, be more actives and just do what I want? Probably I will not be here, feeling jealous of other peoples achievement in life if I mingle with the right group... those who are smart ass and rich and know their way out to success?

Not that I am not success in my way.... but I would gain more, - scholarship in UK, enjoy my life to the fullest and have a high paid job in pound sterling.. who knows right?

Well...if only I knew, if someone can guide me!! On top of that, I blame it on the technology. If only I have a lot of information and the internet is way cheaper back then.. I will definitely know what I should do to study abroad, a leap to a better achievement.

I could write nonsense all nite , It's just me trying to excuse myself from studying!!! I seriously can't focus. Hopefully I can answer all the questions correctly tomorrow.

Till then adios.. I need to sleep.