Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Happy New Year 2016!!

Wow!! It's almost 2 years I didn't update this blog? Never been this lazy before hehe. To tell you the truth (as if anybody cares) at least once a month I thought of writing something on this blog before I go to sleep. It's never happened because I'm proven to have lazy ass and I end up watching series every night before going to bed. However, I successfully forcing myself to log in and write something today muahahaha... and it's probably gonna be a long booooring story of myself in this hectic world.

My 2014 was pretty intense though relaxing in a way. As per my last post, it's all about me wasting my time watching anime or tv series more than 8 hours a day enjoying my life as a student and a jobless person, and I'm using almost all my saving to pay all my debts and expanses and yet I dont feel anything about it, never been this happy to be free from my previous life as an under appreciated engineer working with stupid management.

However at some point I do feel my life was useless, I feel there's no point to live, no money, I'm becoming such a poor person living with credit cards debt and still, I feel nothing about it, no regrets, no worries and really doesn't care about anything. I just focus on classes and trying to finish up my Master with excellent grades. My whole life, I never really care to study and get good marks. It felt different when I myself wanted to further study and used my own money to pay for the fees and getting scholarship for the first time in my life. For the first time, i'm being serious and wanting to get good marks and really study for it and walllaaahhhh... I get awesome cgpa - 3.94!! If only I study during my degree and diploma, most probably I don't need to pay for my study loan now :P.

During that time, I was lucky that a friend of mine giving me a freelance training job which pays a lot. If only I knew the job pays a lot, I probably won't reject customers offer and have done it earlier! Such a waste, I'm so obedient to my company and I regret it. Moral of the story - think of yourself first, not your company. It helps me pay the bills. I only work for 4 days and I get more than my previous salary! It's pretty sad that most of the job comes in during my final month and I have to reject it, otherwise it's enough to pay my bills for another year.

So, by end of 2014, I graduated with flying colors. Lecturers offered me grants to continue my PHD. I had enough study already, and I plan to go abroad for my PHD, so I reject all of their offers. Now comes the hard part - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??

It's a hard question cause:
1- I don't want to work with any company.
2 - I'm broke and can only survive for another 2 months
3- No confirmed freelance job in few months
4- I really hate the feeling that I need to work with somebody again

So, the first few months was hard. The former 'sister' company offered me a job, however the person in charge in interviewing me doesn't want me even though the boss wants me as i have the most experience and have certs and way more knowledgeable from all their staff. i do feel insulted a bit, but it's their lost not mine. i don't like that job anyway unless if they can pay what I requested for. Those who knows me are pretty upset cause I was not hired, the funny part is, my classmates who have zero knowledge about that job and doesn't have experience got the job! so i guess the person in charge prefer someone who doesnt have experience and not that smart to be under her so she can be in control. WTH.. I feel a bit insulted but again it's their lost not mine. So I moved on - I worked with my friends as a sales assistant in his sculpture shop hahaha.

It's fun at first but then I get bored. The salary was small but at least i can pay my bills. I know my mom didnt like it cause I'm a master student, I should work like before. I know she hates it that I couldnt help her in her expenses, i can't take her for vacation and I cant help her to fix all broken things in the house. I am super upset about this as my mom aren't being fair with me,. I never asked for her money unlike my brother who didnt work for years and always ask money from my mom and us and even me! and yet my mom was ok for him not working and blame me for not wanting to work?? Guess what?? I don't care anymore and it's time for me to think of myself and what i want and what i want to achieve! I always put her first, always try to give what she wants, but at the end of the day I'm still the person she wants to blame and she doesn't seem to appreciate everything I've done to her. She said,  the rests are so good at managing and planning their life or for those she pity, she will gave them supports and money. They all are selfish! I'm done being so nice. It's time for me to get what i wanted and gain back everything I lost.

Going to year 2015 - I quit my job as sales assistant. This year is full of surprises and me being the new me - exploring all the possibilities that might suite me and fill my pockets with lots of cash as long as i dont need to work with anybody. It's a crazy survival year!

Firstly I spend more time focusing on my online business, getting more sales each months but yet i cant depends on it to pay my bills. I joined the state business group to gain more free knowledge and built up my networks. Its awesome at first, meeting lots of new people, successful people and those who have good network and relationships. However, after a few months, i can see all their true nature, most are selfish and doesn't really wants to help others, but rather help themselves. Somehow, some of them loves me cause I have Master, i dont know why, but most probably it looks good to them cause they have a Master student under their programme, easy to get loan etc i dont know. I start to get away from those people. I hate those types of people who just wants me for their benefits. So i decided not to join them anymore.

I moved on to try something new - being a unit trust agent hahaha. I never see myself doing this type of job. It's exciting as i learned a lot of new things in regards of economics, investment etc and it makes me realise that I'm totally doom cause I dont have any savings and investment now. That's a scary truth. It makes me realise - i really wasted my 10 years of working and not being a smart investor!! For a couple of months i focused on this job, searching for new clients, meet up with more sincere professionals people compare to those business club. deep inside i still wants my own business to bloom. I always pray to open my own shop this year. It doesn't look realistic looking at my economy now.

I don't know why... everything happened too fast I thought it's all just a day dream.

One fine day, i went to see this new mall recommended by my friend. I fell in love with it and all the promotions they giving me. I make a crazy decisions, I sttaight away booked the shoplot and think later - on how am i supposed to get the money for deposits and for renovation costs. I went home and feeling super excited to tell mom about it, and guess what?? she doesn't really care to even listen to me. I feel like crying (i'm still in emotional states of her not being fair with me). She always care to listen to my brothers dreamy never happens business project but my more realistic business, she doesn't even care to listen. I asked helps from my sisters and brothers... negatives responds.

I was so disappointed, spending my days crying in the room. My mom always scold me if i doesn't want to help my brothers but when im in need of money, no one is there to help me. Not even my mom. The youngsters are all selfish. If they dont want to help me, fine. I will prove to them that i can do this. the worst thing that would happened is, i'll go bancrupt. Do i care?? No! cause this is my chance that I should grab or else i will stuck with my previous life.

At the end, some of my siblings help me and i proceed with the plan. I believe it will be blooming even more. It's a roller coaster ride, so many hiccup here and there with the stupid management, but what else can i do?? i just have to be patience as i believe in that place. I spend most of my money in renovation and start up costs - pretty a lot. it's ok to spend my money for this experienced. I learned a lot of new things, meeting with real business minded which i love to make friends, bigger network and opportunities too.  The first month was good, sales are increasing and customer love it.

Actually, I had few dejavus of this shop. It meant to happen and I thank God for giving me this opportunity. This is my first step to go big in this few years. So many plan in my head, so many things to do!! It's tiring, i work more hours than before but im happy doing it. Something i wishes for such a long time.

Looking back at what has happened for the past 2 years, I am happy I quit my job and embraced all the challenges and follow my heart and believe in my self and in my dreams. The biggest thing i realised is, i'm becoming more of myself, meaning that i do the talk and being serious with my life. All this years I try to help others, try to help my mom, I think too much but didnt make any action. I spend hours in years wasting my time hang out with my friends. I didn't achieve anything except dragged myself in stupid drama.

The moment I decided to ignore all those stupid drama, I have my Master, I have good business, I have my own shop in just 2 years! I thank God for all that has happened. If not I probably won't realised that I wasted my time in a coffee shop talking nonsense with endless drama. It's a sad thing to loose those i loved and those fun days, but it does makes me a better me and a successful me!

I have so many plan in my life, so many business for me to venture. I'm so excited of what will I achieve in year 2016.  

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