I know that my last post was about temptation to leave everything in this world behind me, but no worries..
I'm still alive and healthy and in fact getting fatter :P Year 2012 is a crazy year, a year of another disturbance and a year of awakening for me. Yeah, that was it!
I totally forgot I have this blog. I know my short term memories is getting worst by days. I'm afraid that one day I will go out, and totally forgot about who I am. That could happen... probably... I don't know.
It seems like every 5 years or so, things are repeating, history repeat itself, not exactly the same, but likely the same. One thing for sure, I'm seriously can't even have a boy as best friends... it will end up weird and I just hate it. I hate when everyone I trust just fooling me around. The solution is, I WILL NEVER TRUST ANYONE EVER AGAIN. It's fun to just play around :)
Thus, I just kick them all away as usual, seems like it's the best solution for me, I don't have enough time to waste my precious time dealing with stupid emotions. It's just best to just ignore it and move on. It's too easy for me. Once I have this "ignorance and don't care feeling" I can be so ruthless, I think that is my expertise hahaha. I totally have no feeling once I click on the mood. I just don't give a damn. Even though if someone told me he is dying, seriously I don't care and do not have a single sympathy in my heart. I know it sounds evil, well, can't help... that's how I feel. No offence.
However, it's a good turnover for me. I realized I have been in dreamland for so long, wasting my time hanging out, talking rubbish, totally not productive for years!! Once I turn on the ignorance mood, I realized I'm 31 and still poor, full of debt, lonely and hate my job. That's when I thought oh shit, I just need to do something or else I'll be the same in 10 more years.
So, I hang out with my girl friends more which is awesome, they are energetic, just do what ever we want and planned and I think, I do different activities compare to before, and I love the new me!
I just stop thinking to much, I stop worrying to much, I stop thinking of those shitty person in my life, I stop daydreaming and just go for it, do whatever I want! The best decision ever made, I continue my master. It's awesome, making myself busy doing something useful. Instead of just planning and thinking too much, I just do it. The feeling is great, I'm in control again :)
The best part is, I never knew I can do way better during my Master while working at the same time. This is the first time I'm actually serious with my life :p
The most crazy thing I did was, I QUIT MY JOB!!!! Finally, I have the gut to just QUIT my job!! The moment I decided to quit, I felt so happy...the moment I woke up in the morning, I can actually smile, that when I realized, I never have this feeling for the past 7 years. I can't imagine why I drag myself all this years.
First time in my life I feel so relief. I decided it's the moment I need to follow my heart doing things I want to do instead of doing things what other people thinks I should do. I had enough doing things to pleased others. This time, I'm going to give myself a chance to actually do what I WANT TO DO!
Though I admit this is not an easy decision, I'm not sure how this is a good idea... but what the hell, I'll never know if I didn't try it. I am totally HAPPY, that's what is important to me now :)
You get it right, I will definitely write more :P
I'm on vacation for a month, focusing on my study and my business and definitely need to lose weight! So I will start my 30 days losing weight challenge! Update soon!
In the mean time, I want to sleep and enjoy myself being jobless.
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